Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
Are you a thief? Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!
You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?
I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.
Are you a poster? Because I want to pin you on a wall
I like every bone in your body, especially mine.
Is there a cellphone in your backpocket? Cause that ass is calling me!
You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies) WHAT? (you) Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
Do you believe in evolution? Cause my homo is erectus.
Roses are red, violets are twisted, bend over you’re about to get fisted
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.
I’ll treat you like my homework: Slam you on the table and do you all night long!
How do you spell “me”? (M-E) You forgot the D (There’s no D in ME) Not yet ;)
If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
Are you a blanket? cos I love it when you’re on top of me.
You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Your body is a Wonderland an I’d like to be Alice
Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fck you on the floor.
Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!
You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.
Baby, I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!
Do you want to go on a ate? I’ll give you the D later
Girl, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.
I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
That dress looks really good on you but, it would look better on my bedroom floor.
I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!
I hope you got a pet insurance, cause tonight I’m gonna destroy that pussy.
You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!
I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
If you were a squirrel, would you help me bust a nut?
Baby I’m like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet.
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus
Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis
Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out!
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
I can’t do magic but I can do you!
That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
Let’s play Titanic. I’ll be the Iceberg you’ll go down on.
You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?
Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.
You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
I heard you are looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD, all I need is U.
Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!
Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Smile, if you want to have sex with me.
Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
If you jingle my bells, you’ll have a white Christmas
I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
You want to come over for Thanksgiving? Because I’m gonna stuff your turkey.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Your legs are like an Oreo, I wanna split them apart and eat everything in between.
You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.
What are you doing tonight beside me?
Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
Are you a trampoline because I want to bounce on you
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
What has four legs and doesn’t have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
Roses are red grass is greener when i think about you i play with my wiener
Can you help me with my science assignment? I need to know how to get to Uranus.
Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Girl do you have a shovel in that back pocket? Cause I’m digging that ass!
If you were my waitress I wouldn’t just give you a tip, I’d give you the whole thing!
Are you a daycare center? Because I want to put kids in you!
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My dick.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the D in U!
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
Are you spaghetti? Because I want you to meat my balls
Nice legs, lets eat out.
I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Touch your toes and I will show u where the rocket goes!
Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.
I have a job for you, but it blows!
Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.” Watch her smile!
You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
Hey girl, are you a convertible car? Because you would look even better with your top down.
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…
Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?