I’ll treat you like my homework: Slam you on the table and do you all night long!
Are you a thief? Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!
How do you spell “me”? (M-E) You forgot the D (There’s no D in ME) Not yet ;)
You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
I like every bone in your body, especially mine.
Is there a cellphone in your backpocket? Cause that ass is calling me!
Are you a blanket? cos I love it when you’re on top of me.
I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.
Are you a poster? Because I want to pin you on a wall
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
Girl, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.
Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?
That dress looks really good on you but, it would look better on my bedroom floor.
You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!
I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you
Roses are red, violets are twisted, bend over you’re about to get fisted
Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.
Do you want to go on a ate? I’ll give you the D later
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fck you on the floor.
You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.
You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
Your body is a Wonderland an I’d like to be Alice
I hope you got a pet insurance, cause tonight I’m gonna destroy that pussy.
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus
Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out!
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
Baby I’m like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet.
That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!
I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis
If you were a squirrel, would you help me bust a nut?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
Do you believe in evolution? Cause my homo is erectus.
I can’t do magic but I can do you!
Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.
Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!
Let’s play Titanic. I’ll be the Iceberg you’ll go down on.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.
Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Smile, if you want to have sex with me.
I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
You want to come over for Thanksgiving? Because I’m gonna stuff your turkey.
Are you a trampoline because I want to bounce on you
You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
If you were my waitress I wouldn’t just give you a tip, I’d give you the whole thing!
Your legs are like an Oreo, I wanna split them apart and eat everything in between.
If you jingle my bells, you’ll have a white Christmas
What has four legs and doesn’t have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the D in U!
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.
People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
Girl do you have a shovel in that back pocket? Cause I’m digging that ass!
Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
Can you help me with my science assignment? I need to know how to get to Uranus.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?
Roses are red grass is greener when i think about you i play with my wiener
Touch your toes and I will show u where the rocket goes!
What are you doing tonight beside me?
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My dick.
I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
Are you a daycare center? Because I want to put kids in you!
Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!
Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Nice legs, lets eat out.
Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.” Watch her smile!
You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
Hey girl, are you a convertible car? Because you would look even better with your top down.
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
I heard you are looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD, all I need is U.
Are you a mirror? Cause I can see myself inside you.
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!
I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…
How about you let me clap them cheeks tonight?
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
May i pleasure you with my tongue?
Mines bigger than his want proof?
Are you a pirate? Cause I’ve got a lot of semen waiting for you!