Are you a thief? Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!
When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies) WHAT? (you) Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
Roses are red, violets are twisted, bend over you’re about to get fisted
Are you a poster? Because I want to pin you on a wall
How do you spell “me”? (M-E) You forgot the D (There’s no D in ME) Not yet ;)
I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.
You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
I like every bone in your body, especially mine.
Is there a cellphone in your backpocket? Cause that ass is calling me!
Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
I’ll treat you like my homework: Slam you on the table and do you all night long!
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
Girl, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
That dress looks really good on you but, it would look better on my bedroom floor.
Are you a blanket? cos I love it when you’re on top of me.
You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fck you on the floor.
Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.
Do you want to go on a ate? I’ll give you the D later
You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.
Your body is a Wonderland an I’d like to be Alice
Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!
I hope you got a pet insurance, cause tonight I’m gonna destroy that pussy.
You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!
You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out!
Baby I’m like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet.
Do you believe in evolution? Cause my homo is erectus.
I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis
If you were a squirrel, would you help me bust a nut?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
Let’s play Titanic. I’ll be the Iceberg you’ll go down on.
I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
I can’t do magic but I can do you!
That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.
Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!
You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.
Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
Smile, if you want to have sex with me.
If you jingle my bells, you’ll have a white Christmas
I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
You want to come over for Thanksgiving? Because I’m gonna stuff your turkey.
If you were my waitress I wouldn’t just give you a tip, I’d give you the whole thing!
Your legs are like an Oreo, I wanna split them apart and eat everything in between.
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the D in U!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
Roses are red grass is greener when i think about you i play with my wiener
Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Girl do you have a shovel in that back pocket? Cause I’m digging that ass!
Can you help me with my science assignment? I need to know how to get to Uranus.
Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!
Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
What are you doing tonight beside me?
Touch your toes and I will show u where the rocket goes!
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Are you a trampoline because I want to bounce on you
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
What has four legs and doesn’t have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My dick.
Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are you a daycare center? Because I want to put kids in you!
Nice legs, lets eat out.
I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
I heard you are looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD, all I need is U.
That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.” Watch her smile!
You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Hey girl, are you a convertible car? Because you would look even better with your top down.
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
Are you spaghetti? Because I want you to meat my balls
You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!
You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
Are you a mirror? Cause I can see myself inside you.
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Those hands look bored.. I got something they can work on.