I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.
Are you a thief? Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!
You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?
Roses are red, violets are twisted, bend over you’re about to get fisted
Are you a poster? Because I want to pin you on a wall
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies) WHAT? (you) Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
I like every bone in your body, especially mine.
Is there a cellphone in your backpocket? Cause that ass is calling me!
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
I’ll treat you like my homework: Slam you on the table and do you all night long!
How do you spell “me”? (M-E) You forgot the D (There’s no D in ME) Not yet ;)
If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
That dress looks really good on you but, it would look better on my bedroom floor.
Are you a blanket? cos I love it when you’re on top of me.
You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Your body is a Wonderland an I’d like to be Alice
Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fck you on the floor.
You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.
Girl, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.
Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!
Baby, I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!
I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
I hope you got a pet insurance, cause tonight I’m gonna destroy that pussy.
You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.
Do you want to go on a ate? I’ll give you the D later
I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
If you were a squirrel, would you help me bust a nut?
Baby I’m like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet.
Do you believe in evolution? Cause my homo is erectus.
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis
Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out!
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
I can’t do magic but I can do you!
That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
Let’s play Titanic. I’ll be the Iceberg you’ll go down on.
Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?
Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.
You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Smile, if you want to have sex with me.
Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
If you jingle my bells, you’ll have a white Christmas
I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
You want to come over for Thanksgiving? Because I’m gonna stuff your turkey.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Your legs are like an Oreo, I wanna split them apart and eat everything in between.
You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
What are you doing tonight beside me?
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
Are you a trampoline because I want to bounce on you
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the D in U!
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
Roses are red grass is greener when i think about you i play with my wiener
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Girl do you have a shovel in that back pocket? Cause I’m digging that ass!
Can you help me with my science assignment? I need to know how to get to Uranus.
What has four legs and doesn’t have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
Touch your toes and I will show u where the rocket goes!
I heard you are looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD, all I need is U.
If you were my waitress I wouldn’t just give you a tip, I’d give you the whole thing!
Are you a daycare center? Because I want to put kids in you!
You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My dick.
Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!
Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
Nice legs, lets eat out.
I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Are you spaghetti? Because I want you to meat my balls
That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!
Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.” Watch her smile!
You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
Hey girl, are you a convertible car? Because you would look even better with your top down.
If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!