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8 Planets, 1 Universe, 1.735 billion people, and i end up with you.
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I just want to tell you that you’re really beautiful [pause] but I’m gay.
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Damn Girl, you’re cute, let me get your email address.
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You’re so fucking sexy! You look just like my mom.
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Can I punch you in the face.. [pause] ..with my lips?
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You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
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What color is your shit?
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The most common pickup line used in a gay bar: May I push in your stool?
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The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
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The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.
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One of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick. And if I don’t get one soon, they won’t let me pledge…
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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
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I’ve been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
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I’m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I’m Batman!
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Inheriting 10 million dollars doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart
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I’m bigger and better than the Titantic – only 200 women went down on that vessel!
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If I can’t buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
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If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?
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I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside..
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I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
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I’d drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on
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I’d rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
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I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
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I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
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Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
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Hi, I have big feet.
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Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
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Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.
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Hey baby… you got any diseases? Want some?
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Find a girl at the bar, walk over to her, and say “you put the ‘hot ass’ in my shot glass.
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Girl you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.
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Do you mind if I hang out here until it’s safe back where I farted?
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Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
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Did you know that I saved a girl’s life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
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Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you’ve got nice eyes.
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Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.
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As long as i have a face, you will always have a place to sit.
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Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!